Last summer Robin Thicke’s song “Blurred Lines” was downloaded on my iPod, I would crank it up in my car if it came on the radio, and one of my favorite Jimmy Fallon clips is The Roots playing the song with Robin Thicke via elementary school music class-type instruments. Now, I just think Robin Thicke is another tool in the giant pool of tools that aren’t meant to invite/lead anybody into a serious/committed relationship or marriage. Does it completely surprise me that Robin Thicke’s celebrity marriage to actress Paula Patton is currently in disarray, because he’s not a loyal guy? No. Am I disgusted with the fact that he not only cheated on his wife but also their son? Yep.
You’re probably thinking: Who cares, Laura. Let their train wreck be what it is. Coincidentally enough, I have had friends and family over the last couple of years talk to me about their cheating and/or dishonest significant others, and (once caught of course, they certainly didn’t just one day volunteer this information) their methods of begging for forgiveness: from poetic novella-length apologies to material gifts, etc. Whether the friend, family member, or partner cheated, lied, was downright disrespectful or all of the above, the act itself of buying back someone’s affection or brainwashing them with words is irritating from my outsider’s perspective, but I’m also wishing those who have been the hurt person in the relationship keep themselves from getting hypnotized by the rare bursts of good. It doesn’t make them a good person, because they created some good memories. It only proves they’re dysfunctional. If the one bad memory is bad enough then you don’t need them.
In the last few months I witnessed (and not between husband and wife) but someone say incredibly horrible things over and over to a group of people and the next day they tried to gloss it over with donuts/cookies/sweets for the people they just barked at the day before. Ummmm……what? That’s not an apology. It’s just weird. As is this newly released Robin Thicke video, the “forgive me” flowers. the groveling text messages, the ringing of the doorbell and begging on the other side of the door, etc. I think many of these actions simply shows the d-bag/jerk selfishly wants the person they hurt to tell them, they’re not actually as awful as they really are. They’re not really begging for forgiveness, but begging to be enabled/permission to not have to live with their guilt. What people, like this, need is not a quick forgive. They need help. Mental help. The reality is the abuser in this relationship always felt in control/had the upper hand and someone finally said, “Enough”, “Get Out”, “It’s Over, “You Took It Too Far”, etc. Power is now out of the abuser’s hand, or they have less of it, and they’re out of the comfort zone, working like crazy to get that control back. It’s all for self-serving purposes.
The Robin Thicke Example: I’m simply beyond irritated with his latest endeavor–writing a whole album dedicated to his separated-from-wife. Making it everybody’s business. Profiting through sales by publicly exploiting their troubled marriage in a video/song release called “Get Her Back”. The video opens with Thicke looking at the camera with these super sad puppy dog eyes….and not wearing a shirt. Isn’t the fact that you can’t seem to keep your clothes on part of the demise of your marriage? I’d be surprised if this approach gets your wife back since this is the approach that attracted a bunch of selfish women to fall at your feet, not caring how this would affect your son’s and wife’s future mental stability. There’s screen shots with blood on his face too, which ads to my further annoyance of cheaters that try to turn it around, playing the victim. Mr./Mrs. Cheater: You’re clearly the antagonist. Get over yourself.
If you’re one of those individuals who saw the Robin Thicke video or listened to the song and thought, “If my significant other ever cheats on me he/she better write a song about it.” then you’re crazy too. Raise-the-bar. Don’t put the apology to the high standard, but their level of respect for you to begin with. And if you’re a member of the Robin Thicke tool/jerk association, don’t be surprised if someone doesn’t give you a warm reception no matter how much effort you put into your greeting/approach. Bridges take a long time to repair and they’ll never look like the original. The kicker with Thicke? At the end of the video there’s a message on the screen that’s meant for his wife stating, “This is just the beginning.” I’m not sure how his wife feels about it, but my thoughts on Thicke broadcasting more of these videos for the whole world to see is: (sarcastically toned) “Great….just, great.” Might I also add that I’m grateful my husband is nothing like Robin Thicke.