Why I Can’t Stand Robin Thicke and Others Who’ve Bought a One Way Ticket on the Crazy Train

 

Last summer Robin Thicke’s song “Blurred Lines” was downloaded on my iPod, I would crank it up in my car if it came on the radio, and one of my favorite Jimmy Fallon clips is The Roots playing the song with Robin Thicke via elementary school music class-type instruments.  Now, I just think Robin Thicke is another tool in the giant pool of tools that aren’t meant to invite/lead anybody into a serious/committed relationship or marriage.  Does it completely surprise me that Robin Thicke’s celebrity marriage to actress Paula Patton is currently in disarray, because he’s not a loyal guy?  No.  Am I disgusted with the fact that he not only cheated on his wife but also their son?  Yep.

You’re probably thinking: Who cares, Laura.  Let their train wreck be what it is.  Coincidentally enough, I have had friends and family over the last couple of years talk to me about their cheating and/or dishonest significant others, and (once caught of course, they certainly didn’t just one day volunteer this information) their methods of begging for forgiveness: from poetic novella-length apologies to material gifts, etc.  Whether the friend, family member, or partner cheated, lied, was downright disrespectful or all of the above, the act itself of buying back someone’s affection or brainwashing them with words is irritating from my outsider’s perspective, but I’m also wishing those who have been the hurt person in the relationship keep themselves from getting hypnotized by the rare bursts of good.  It doesn’t make them a good person, because they created some good memories. It only proves they’re dysfunctional. If the one bad memory is bad enough then you don’t need them.

In the last few months I witnessed (and not between husband and wife) but someone say incredibly horrible things over and over to a group of people and the next day they tried to gloss it over with donuts/cookies/sweets for the people they just barked at the day before.  Ummmm……what?  That’s not an apology.  It’s just weird.  As is this newly released Robin Thicke video, the “forgive me” flowers. the groveling text messages, the ringing of the doorbell and begging on the other side of the door, etc.  I think many of these actions simply shows the d-bag/jerk selfishly wants the person they hurt to tell them, they’re not actually as awful as they really are.  They’re not really begging for forgiveness, but begging to be enabled/permission to not have to live with their guilt.  What people, like this, need is not a quick forgive.  They need help.  Mental help.  The reality is the abuser in this relationship always felt in control/had the upper hand and someone finally said, “Enough”, “Get Out”, “It’s Over, “You Took It Too Far”, etc.  Power is now out of the abuser’s hand, or they have less of it, and they’re out of the comfort zone, working like crazy to get that control back.  It’s all for self-serving purposes.

The Robin Thicke Example: I’m simply beyond irritated with his latest endeavor–writing a whole album dedicated to his separated-from-wife.  Making it everybody’s business.  Profiting through sales by publicly exploiting their troubled marriage in a video/song release called “Get Her Back”. The video opens with Thicke looking at the camera with these super sad puppy dog eyes….and not wearing a shirt.  Isn’t the fact that you can’t seem to keep your clothes on part of the demise of your marriage?  I’d be surprised if this approach gets your wife back since this is the approach that attracted a bunch of selfish women to fall at your feet, not caring how this would affect your son’s and wife’s future mental stability. There’s screen shots with blood on his face too, which ads to my further annoyance of cheaters that try to turn it around, playing the victim.  Mr./Mrs. Cheater: You’re clearly the antagonist.  Get over yourself.

If you’re one of those individuals who saw the Robin Thicke video or listened to the song and thought, “If my significant other ever cheats on me he/she better write a song about it.” then you’re crazy too.  Raise-the-bar.  Don’t put the apology to the high standard, but their level of respect for you to begin with.  And if you’re a member of the Robin Thicke tool/jerk association, don’t be surprised if someone doesn’t give you a warm reception no matter how much effort you put into your greeting/approach.  Bridges take a long time to repair and they’ll never look like the original. The kicker with Thicke?  At the end of the video there’s a message on the screen that’s meant for his wife stating, “This is just the beginning.”  I’m not sure how his wife feels about it, but my thoughts on Thicke broadcasting more of these videos for the whole world to see is: (sarcastically toned) “Great….just, great.”    Might I also add that I’m grateful my husband is nothing like Robin Thicke.

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My Son Will Never be a Super Jock and That’s Okay

I haven’t blogged anything since March and now that school is out, I have been waiting to come up with a decent topic whether school-related or not.  It dawned on me a couple nights ago, after my son (age 7) was getting ready for bed and asked, “Mom, what’s a black hole?” what my next topic would be: my son.

My son has shown interest in different occupations over the last couple of years whether that be an astronaut, race car driver, scuba diver, etc. but at some point during his 1st grade year, he offered up an idea that was not only realistic but broad enough that it could honestly encompass the majority of his previous ideas, “Scientist”.  He loves Science.  I am thrilled.  When I drive by baseball fields and see parents coaching from the bleachers for their marathon of t-ball, slow-pitch, and fast pitch tournaments (yep, they already do tournaments the summer before 2nd grade) I don’t envy them or feel deprived that my son decided after a couple of summers he’d rather not play baseball.  

My son tried out soccer and baseball; it was something we thought he should at least try for socialization and to work on motor skills, which fortunately did happen.  This is what he also remembers from it: lots of parents yelling, lots of kids crying, lots of mass chaos.  My child was more interested in the type of airplane that just flew over the field than if the bases were loaded.  Luckily, the parents on my son’s team last summer (I couldn’t always say this about the parents on the opposing teams) were pretty laid back and supportive, recognizing that all these soon-to-be-first-graders were incredibly awkward, even their child, in their own way.  Only one dad helicoptered and his attendance wasn’t consistent so that helped, but when I discovered that this summer tournaments would start I knew we were only going to continue if my son genuinely wanted to do it and guess what?  His interests have strayed to something he enjoys more.  Science.

Since he loves Science, he approached us about Cub Scouts. I had my reservations based on the national news reports of this organization, but I decided as long as his leaders were of sound character we’d support his interests. He loves it!  The first night the leader explained they’d be doing a nature walk (the boys chose to run) around a nearby lake, and you would of thought my child was going to Disney World.  Everything he does within this organization is almost related to hands-on/Science activities and he feels comfortable.  

He’s taking private swimming lessons this summer and has asked about what he needs to do to race/compete for medals.  When I explained he’d have to swim the whole length of the pool, be able to dive off the edge, etc he turned into this fish and is accomplishing a lot in the pool.  Does this mean I might end up having a calendar full of swim meets rather than baseball games to attend?  Maybe.  And I would be very supportive as long as my child was enjoying himself.  Did I pay for private swimming lessons so my son could be the next Michael Phelps?  No.  I wanted my extremely-tall-for-his-age son who can now ride on all of the water slides, and can no longer contain his excitement for being tall enough to do so, to not sink to the bottom of the pool and the fastest way to do that was one-on-one instruction.

When I was in elementary school and we were asked what you wanted to be when you grew up I remember 90% of the boys stating they wanted to be a professional athlete…and none of them are.  I think sports are great for kids, and if it helps you pay for college, I say, go for it.  I am a Husker fan and I attended UNL.  I saw first hand what some of my classmates/neighbors had to go through to meet the requirements of their sports commitments and maintain a decent GPA. What I’m trying to communicate is: I just hope parents aren’t only fostering the athletics but the academics too.  And I don’t just mean telling your child, “Go study” or “We don’t accept anything less than a “B” in this house.”  I really hope you’re setting aside the same amount of family time talking about academic topics as you do sitting in a lawn chair cheering your child on at a sporting event.  

I didn’t come to this realization on my own.  My son has done that for us.  I’ve become a student again.  I didn’t have a passion for Science as a kid.  When Eli asked me, “Mom, what’s a black hole?”  I knew a little, but it forced us to research together the correct facts and answers to his great question.  We both learned a lot.  Conversations at the dinner table or car rides usually involve topics like:new planets being discovered in our galaxy, the engineering that went into building that structure we just passed, etc.  Do we still talk about “regular” topics too?  Yes, my son can bring up Saturn’s rings and quote Sponge Bob in the same sentence.  I in no way assume I gave birth to the reincarnated Albert Einstein, but my son knows that we support his interests.  Will I be crushed if next week my son decides he wants to be something else instead of a scientist?  Not at all, but I do know that if he never wears a jersey, but rather tries his personal best in whatever he enjoys while still being a person of sound character, then that’s wonderful.